The Mindset of the Emotionally Mature Leader

When a leader is unable to manage their own emotions, they’re unable to listen effectively, or foster an environment of respect and trust, it creates a “disconnect” for those who expect these traits or values from their leader. Sometimes it’s hard to explain or pinpoint to the problem; when you experience that distinct frustration that arises when you're looking to your leader for guidance, expecting them to step up, provide direction, and set the tone—only to discover that what they lack is the emotional maturity to navigate the complexities of leadership. Here’s a lesson I’ve learned: Emotional maturity isn't just a “nice-to-have” quality in leadership—it is the backbone; it’s fundamental to maintaining cohesion and inspiring confidence within any group or organization. I hope you keep reading to find out about why emotional maturity matters.

As a wise, seasoned and semi-retired leader, it is incumbent upon me to impart this wisdom to younger leaders who come into my life. I have accepted this role to guide them through the maze of uncertainties and complexities that come with leading others. In my current work, I’m engaged with many leaders coming to terms with this painful revelation and this crucial lesson: encountering a leader who lacks the capacity to guide others. It’s inevitable. Whether it’s a team or group, staff, board/advocates etc. this kind of leaders not only leaves you feeling unsupported, but you feel lost and disengaged – even with the best intentions and you believe in their mission – that’s why you came there, to be a part of the organization in the first place. This can happen with varying outcomes, at any point in your career.

Maturity Matters Most.

For someone like me, with years of experience in leadership positions, this resonates deeply because early on in my career, struggled with certain “leaders” and not others. What I learned is that maturity in leadership is not about how much you’ve achieved; it's about how you carry yourself when faced with challenges. This delicate balance between decisiveness, growth, and reflection has always been a hallmark of seasoned leaders I’ve encountered, and as I developed in my career, and now while coaching others, I found myself leaning more on these qualities and by unearthing more of this truth. Typically, with age comes maturity and wisdom…sometimes, but not all the time. Some people just thrive on drama and chaos.

Years ago, as coordinator of a health leadership program, I was introduced to Dr. Larry Liberty, author of “The Maturity Factor” that looks at how maturity influences leadership and the overall culture within organizations. Liberty sheds light around the idea that maturity, more than just experience or age, is a critical determinant of effective leadership and healthy organizational environments. Please note: There is no paid promotion involved here for me writing this review; I’m just sharing a resource because this book was career changing for me offering an in-depth look at the characteristics of mature leaders and their impact on workplace culture. Finally, I was beginning to understand my professional leadership struggle – a need to be led by and learn from an emotionally mature leader.

What I got from the book:

The heart of The Maturity Factor is the premise that emotional maturity is foundational to effective leadership. Leaders who are emotionally mature can navigate the complexities of workplace dynamics with patience, empathy, and resilience. They recognize that every decision made impacts not just the bottom line but the people who are part of that decision-making process. This ability to balance rational decision-making with human empathy, something that I coin as “please help me make sense of this…” - is something I’ve observed throughout my career. The most successful leaders I’ve known are not just intellectually smart—they are emotionally grounded. These types of leaders can regulate their emotions, they also have the ability to communicate effectively, and in a way that inspires trust. We all need a good dose or two of emotional regulation sometimes. That’s where our trusted friendships/relationships, whether personal or professional, or both are the people who help guide us through life and keep things in a perspective.

Looking back at my own career and leadership roles, I recognize that the moments of my greatest success were those who demonstrated emotional maturity—being able to listen actively, manage conflict with grace and authenticity – or at least not let them see me sweat; and to create an environment where everyone felt valued. In this way, The Maturity Factor aligns with the idea that strong leadership is as much about inner strength and people skills, as it is about technical skills.

In my experience, organizations with a strong, positive culture also tend to attract and retain better talented people. They support one another and bring out the best in one another. I found this particularly noticeable in my role as a nonprofit executive director. Taking many of the lessons learned from Dr. Liberty’s book, collecting wisdom from the emotionally mature leaders in my life, I could see the impact on my staff and volunteers’ morale, their productivity, and even with the board engagement and donor relations. Many of us still remain connected from those days, almost twenty years ago. Thank you Dr. Liberty and to my emotionally mature circle of leaders for helping me make it (life) make sense.

Don’t forget to stop by Big Mama’s Playbook featuring this week’s grant listings!

Weekly wisdom in their own words:

“What matters in life is not what happens to you but what you remember and how you remember it....”

— Gabriel García Márquez (March 6, 1927 - April 17, 2014)