Growing Up Patricia: A Black Girl’s Journey to Becoming a Big Mama Through a Name

In the fifties and sixties, being a Black girl named Patricia was such a common name. For a Black girl navigating the world of mostly segregated schools, tight-knit church communities, along with school and family gatherings, that name became more than just a label—it became an identity. There were a few universal or absolute truths about the name Patricia. First, if you were a Patricia, you were bound to be called something else most of the time. You might be “Pat” to your classmates, maybe “Trish” to your friends, or “Patricia Ann” when your mother was trying to remind you who was in charge (honestly, I can faintly hear that sternness in my late mom’s (aka L.B.) voice while writing this). For some families, Patricia Ann was non-negotiable. Other times when someone said “Patricia Ann,” it was a reminder of your heritage, the formality, and respect. Double names like, Fannie (or Ruby) Louise, Erma (or Barbara) Jean - all of them held significance in Black households.

What you almost never were, however, was “Patty” or “Patti/Pattie.” That nickname always felt too unserious. It didn’t carry the same weight as “Pat”. Those nicknames, seemed to belong to someone else—someone white, maybe someone on a TV show, like “The Patty Duke Show”. “Patty” might have been popular with white girls, but for Black girls, where I grew up, it didn’t quite fit. To this day, and now as Big Mama, for this Black woman, the nicknames Patti, Patty, or Pattie still don’t fit me, nor will I respond kindly to it.

Although few girls named Patricia growing up in Black communities in the ‘50s and ‘60s ended up being a “Patty/Pattie/Patti” – there’s one, Patricia Louise Holt who made a successful career being known by that nickname. The legendary singer Patti LaBelle. She was born in 1944 – a mere decade before me. Still going strong at age 80, she is one of the most beloved and accomplished entertainers. This Grammy Award-winning songstress, entrepreneur, and humanitarian has a career that spans 60 years and includes her own line of bedding, cookbooks and foods, like Patti’s Sweet Potato Pie. As an author, she’s written best-selling books about life lessons, recounting her own challenges and tragedies in her memoir, “Don’t Block the Blessings”. 

Patti’s Pearls: Lessons in Living Genuinely, Joyfully, Generously”

Another of this wise elder’s books is a collection of “sentence sayings” or pearls of wisdom. “Patti’s Pearls” highlights the many people throughout her life that have made the greatest difference through their words of wisdom. Patti tells personal stories, that as noted on the front flap of the book’s cover, “talk about faith, love, and friendship or following your gut instincts and being true to yourself...” The wisdom found in Patti’s Pearls transcends time, just like Patti’s music. Here are five sentence sayings found in her book, some pearls of wisdom shared with her that look at life, living and leadership from the “Godmother of Soul.”

• You don’t need a certain number of friends, only a number of friends you can be certain of.

“When it comes to people, here’s what you got to learn: Every relative isn’t family, and every buddy isn’t a friend.” (from her friend, Corrine)

• A thousand mistakes are an education if you learn something from every one.

“First of all, a worm is the only thing that can’t stumble! Experience is the name that everyone gives to their mistakes.”(from her Aunt Hattie Mae)

• Many a false step is made by standing still.

“Doing nothing doesn’t get you off the hook. Because if you choose to not to decide, you still have made a choice.” (from her friend, Laura)

• Sometimes you have to disappoint others to be true to yourself.

“When it becomes more difficult to suffer than change, you will change.” (from her friend, Diane) and to help drive the message even more for Patti, she got this pearl from Laura too: “She who trims herself to suit everyone will soon whittle herself away.”

• Every exit is an entrance to someplace else.

“We don’t see things as they are; we see things as we are.” (from an unnamed wise woman) and her Aunt Hattie would say, “What the caterpillar calls the end, we call a butterfly.” Patti added this additional pearl of wisdom I found in the book – learning to see beginnings in endings: “A bend in the road is not the end of the road, as long as you make the turn.”

A New Generation of Big Mama’s – Pat and Patti

Finally, I want to thank Patricia Louise Holt for sharing her lessons with the world. And like Patti LaBelle, there are people throughout my life that have told me “Sentence sayings” filled with wisdom. By writing these posts, or during my coaching & consulting interactions, and even with my family, I often share and remind people, repeating myself over and over again some of these pearls. They may not make sense at the time, yet they can help- to help LIFE make sense, hopefully at some point. There is a treasure trove of timeless truths that age and the School of Life have taught both of us, these two Black girls named Patricia or Pat, age 70 from Oakland, CA. and Patricia or Patti, age 80 from Philly. Life teaches us. Trust me, your friends, your family, and others will teach you. Reflect on, share with others and continue to build your own collection of “sentence sayings”. Believe me, I’m still building mine! Drop me a line, share a favorite or two!

Weekly Wisdom, in their own words: songs from Patti LaBelle (1944 - ):

Lady Marmalade (Patti LaBelle and the Bluebelles, rereleased by Christina Aguilera, Lil’ Kim, Mya, and Pink) and this ballad, Love, Need, and Want You (a sample of this song is contained in “Dilemma” by the rapper Nelly featuring Kelly Rowland) or a party favorite When You Talk About Love and get ready for a painful flashback to the 80s styles: New Attitude

Grant Seekers, here’s this week’s Big Mama’s Playbook