Grace, Grit, and a Bowl of Grits: Leadership Lessons from Big Mama’s Table

Hello, Lead Like Big Mama friends, registration closes Tuesday, March 25th for Start Grant Writing! I’d love for you to join me. Also visit Big Mama’s Playbook for grant opportunities! And now, to this week’s post… for Women’s History Month, here’s a personal story and some lessons from Big Mama in leadership and hope.

I am always grateful for the conversations with my Aunt Lela, gaining a peek at life from a soon-to-be centenarian. Lately we’ve talked about her mother, my Big Mama. Many times, these chats centered around food. Big Mama knew how to feed you a good, heavy breakfast, that included homemade biscuits & preserves, (from “scratch” – such a dying art form) along with sausages - to feed your stomach and provide fuel for the soul. And nothing stuck to you like a good bowl of hot grits to start your day. (OK, so right now, I bet some of my “senior” Big Mama readers may be recalling a shocking event with hot grits and the R&B soul singer turned pastor, Al Green. And if you don’t know, just ask any Al Green fan!) Yet there’s nothing like a good hot bowl of grits – with your choice of add-ons – like butter, sugar, cheese, eggs, shrimp, etc. But please, not watery or runny and not lumpy either! You can choose your own adventure with some grits!

Whether my Big Mama was stirring a pot on the stove or stirring up wisdom at the kitchen

table, she understood that leadership, like cooking - requires the right balance of ingredients.

And overtime, when you learn and acquire a level of cooking skills, you may get to the point

when you don’t need to use measuring cups & spoons - you just know! And for the right

balance in leadership, you need grace to nurture people, grit to push them forward, and some grits. Why grits? Well, grits remind us that good leadership, like a good meal, takes patience, heat, and a whole lot of stirring. Grits are the perfect metaphor for leadership; because just like leading people, you can’t rush them, and you have to know how to season them right.

Key Leadership Lessons from a Big Mama’s Kitchen Table

1. Be Patient. Growth Takes Time. You can’t cook “real” grits in a hurry (I’m not talking about the instant kind), and you can’t rush leadership. Whether it’s raising a family or leading others, people need time to develop. And for many these days, it’s taking a lot longer time struggling with growth and adult development, for a number of circumstances relative to social/emotional learning. Rushing the process only leads to lumps—frustration, confusion, and mistakes.
   

2. Set Clear Expectations. No one likes lumpy grits. A good leader, like a good cook, knows that structure matters. If you continually let things slide - whether it’s late or missed deadlines/commitments, or unclear goals, you end up with a mess. Big Mama will make sure you knew what was expected and held you to it. Like cooking grits, you Stir the Pot When Necessary. Big Mama didn’t believe in letting things sit too long without bringing it to your attention. If someone was slacking, she called it out. Leadership requires stirring things up when needed. That means asking hard questions, shaking off complacency, and keeping people engaged.
   

3. Remember to Stir. Don’t Skip on the Seasonings. Grits without seasoning are just… not

   edible. Even if it’s just plan salt and pepper! And leadership without care and not paying

   attention to the cues around you is just cold. Big Mama balanced kindness and

   accountability. She gave second chances (sometimes reluctantly) but didn’t accept excuses. She lifted people up but wasn’t afraid to dish out some tough love. A good leader knows when to encourage and when to correct.

Big Mama’s kitchen wasn’t just a place for cooking. That kitchen table - it was a classroom

for life. And if she taught us anything, it’s that leadership, like grits, is an art. It takes patience, the right amount of stirring, and just enough seasoning to bring out the best in people. When you lead with both grace and grit, along with a little bit of that Big Mama wisdom, you don’t just create followers. You create legacies. I’m on a quest to create one. Leaders who can think critically; they know the complexities of leadership – combined with the emotional intelligence to lead, while gaining wisdom along the way! For me, grace is the warmth in leadership, the patience, kindness, and care that create trusting relationships. Grit is the strength - the perseverance, discipline, and accountability that get things done. And the grits, well just enjoy a hot bowl of grits to nourish your soul!

Weekly wisdom, in their own words:

“Food for the body is not enough. There must be food for the soul.”

- Dorothy Day (November 8, 1897 – November 29, 1980)

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